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Daily Editorials

Daily Editorials

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Mr. Trump Goes to the Grocery Store Dec 17, 2025

CCTV captured this (completely fake) conversation between President Donald Trump and a grocery store clerk yesterday. CLERK: That'll be $286.47, Mr. President. TRUMP: Did you swipe my customer rewards card? I thought the Twinkies were half off. CLER... Read More

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Secretary of Embarrassment: Mr. Ethos Goes to Washington Dec 17, 2025

If you were looking for a great choice for a terrible Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseth was always your man. It was entirely unsurprising that President Donald Trump picked him. No rational person could want Hegseth anywhere near America's chain of ... Read More

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The Smell of Maple and Light in the Darkness Dec 16, 2025

"You're a columnist," the wing-tipped, gray-haired inner voice bellows. "Write about politics. Write about impending disaster. The Federal Reserve Bank. Gunfire. Donald Trump." "It's almost Christmas," my 8-year-old self says. "Write about Frosty the... Read More

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The Charmed Chaste Dec 16, 2025

Americans know that they discriminate against one another by race, sex, religion, looks, income, etc. Yet they're unaware that the United States has a caste system every bit as rigid and objectively odd as India's — and it's so subtle that almo... Read More